We're in an RV park just outside of Yosemite. The kids get into little screamy fights a few times a day because of the close quarters, (James says, "I just need my personal space!") but other than that we're having a great time. I'm still struggling, as I wrote in my last post. I spoke to my wife just a little bit ago, so that she knows what's going on, and I'm hoping if I keep doing the right things I can turn around.
Turn around is exactly the right phrase. The problem isn't as much what I'm doing, as where I'm heading. My gray-area, middle circle activities haven't taken me into to a relapse, but if they continue, they will. Even if I am "good" for a significant period of time, what I notice is that I am still heading the wrong direction. I'm in that cycle of obsession/anticipation/adrenaline/release, and it feels just like it does when I'm full-on in my addiction. This is what's so frightening. I relapsed during our vacation last year, and for months, Linsey said she never wanted to plan a vacation for us again.
Read the rest at The Second Road...
5 comments:
ASking God to hold you in His hands and let you rest there.
prayers and strength to you! i found the hardest times to be the middle-of-the-road times, and surprisingly, when all is going smoothly...
look online for a meeting and get to it. you need a meeting. there is an online radio station called euphoiarecoveryradio, i think it is all one word, they play na speaker tapes 24/7 if you can't get to a meeting listen to a speaker tape.
prayers and enjoy the vaca.. with your family. that is the good stuff the little fights the faces of incredible anguish like a child has never sat in a seat for 3 hours before!! make them hike and have fun this is the good stuff in life.
Your journey is so real, I learn much about the disease from you.
You are brave in facing your demons. Climb some steep hills out there--that starts the endorphins and clears the crap.
one day at a time, I have faith you cna do this.
Post a Comment