I lost my way.
I used last night. I don't know why. I'm still coming down so I'm not thinking very clearly.
During the darkest hours of the night, I thought about how my brain works. I knew that if I waited for morning, I would try to hide my mistake, and would find myself caught up in the machinery of addiction. I would think that I could stop it all through prayer and willpower and work, sidestepping disclosure. I've been there with embarrassing frequency, in that cycle of swearing off, planning, acting out, then starting over again and again.
Read the rest at The Second Road...
11 comments:
Keep up the fight (with yourself?) Eli. I'll be checking back to watch the sobriety clock go back up days, weeks, months.
Eli, I left a comment the size of a small BOOK on your TSR blog-site.
Peace.
Love.
Steve
Keep pressing against the door until it opens Eli. Take great care of yourself
Eli,
Thank you for your honesty and your blog.
I will be here waiting to see your journey grow, knowing that the program works if you work it and I know it does...
Find your way back...we will be waiting to trudge the road of happy destiny with you again.
Glad you came back, now keep coming back, get to some meetings, be honest and work...
Love
g
hey! you got up, you're standing, well done!
You don't need our forgiveness, honey, you need yours. Forgive yourself, call your sponsor, and get right back up. It's your only option.
5 to stay alive
90 meetings in 90 days
sponsor- call, call, call
steps- work them
literature- read it
service- do it
take care of you and remember, you never have to use again
Eli -- Congratulations on two days, and congratulations on having enough sobriety and courage to wake up your wife and tell her the truth. Without the strength of those seven months behind you, the slip could have turned into full-blown relapse. I'm glad you are here and have the courage to share. You give me willingness to be human, even when I don't want to.
Eli, I'm glad that you stopped before things got crazy. You have the tools. I hope that you're using all of them.
I'm pround of you Eli!
Glad you came and posted here Eli...you CHOSE to walk in the light. Awesome job my friend. Progress not perfection. ((hug))
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