Comments on Eli Hornby: Forbidden Grief

This is exactly what I am going through essentiall...

2009-06-22T13:14:19.643-07:00

This is exactly what I am going through essentially with one of the men in my life. Great, great post.

Holy fuck. I know you. Not YOU, but "you". You a...

2009-06-01T22:40:37.542-07:00

Holy fuck.

I know you. Not YOU, but "you".

You are my husband, at least 3 former boyfriends, and a dozen casual affairs. I'm so stopped in my tracks by what you've written here that I can't head over to TSR right now and read the rest - yet. I'll try tomorrow. I apologize for not being able to do it in one sitting, but my codie recovery has taught me how to see a trigger a mile away and run in the other direction. Before bedtime is a terrible time for me to be triggered. I've had enough nightmares.

The way you describe Elena.... I am also a survivor of sexual abuse. Added to the other abuses it's just another one of many. C'est la vie. BUT the way you write here "the prize I'm after is their trust."

... After I learned of Bowser's addiction, I was trying to describe to him an insight I had just had about the guys I ended up with: "I feel like guys have wanted to possess my joy, my trust - the little, but magnanimous trust - I have in humanity. I feel like I flew up out of the hell of my childhood only to have my wings observed & desired, but once the guys held me the first thing they wanted to do was clip my wings and own my joy. I think you are the same way." To which he replied, "Ouch."

I will come back tomorrow to TSR, but you have given me much to ponder. I will say (after working in a marriage with my darling husband and recovering SA for 10 years) that I acknowledge your insights. I know it took some work to put these background techniques into thoughts and these thoughts into words. That is recovery at its best.

Keep it up.

I understand this post from a similar experience. ...

2009-05-17T12:54:00.000-07:00

I understand this post from a similar experience. The thing with an emotional affair is:

it can always remain comforting and nostalgic to you, the other person so much more interesting and understanding than your spouse for precisely the fact it did not become physical

Hi Eli, You have a very captivating writing style...

2009-05-15T18:37:00.000-07:00

Hi Eli, You have a very captivating writing style. I wish you and your wife the best. I pray that God changes the desires of your heart and that your marriage can be strengthened through this. I, too, appreciate your honesty and sharing.

Eli, I went to TSR earlier, not knowing you were p...

2009-05-14T21:55:00.000-07:00

Eli, I went to TSR earlier, not knowing you were posting here...and it sounds as if you are being true to yourself.

You are certainly not alone in your circumstance(s), although you may be sort of lonely in your honesty about them.

Bless you for that, and keep ltting God help YOU work it out. Not easy!

Eli, your honesty always amazes me. You know, it i...

2009-05-14T20:51:00.000-07:00

Eli, your honesty always amazes me. You know, it is what it is...your grief. Forbidden or not, right or wrong, its there. You have to walk through it to the other side in order to heal. Sounds like you are finding your way through. Be strong.

I'll have to check this out.

2009-05-14T17:26:00.000-07:00

I'll have to check this out.

emotional affair... strangely I never thought of a...

2009-05-14T16:10:00.000-07:00

emotional affair... strangely I never thought of an affair in this way...

you make me think Eli - thank you for your honesty here...

I know those feelings. I was close to being there...

2009-05-14T15:47:00.000-07:00

I know those feelings. I was close to being there myself after my husband had been drinking for a few years. I was trying to find comfort in someone else since I had none from him. Sometimes, I still miss those feelings.