Comments on Eli Hornby: Drugs - The Good Kind

Pure Honesty is good for you. I am honest to a fa...

2009-09-10T22:37:57.631-07:00

Pure Honesty is good for you. I am honest to a fault and it often bites me but in the end, I would rather be up front with myself than to have to remember the lie I told myself to go through the self depreciating steps I could take.

Keep talking, it all helps. Especially when you look back a month, 3 months, 6 months... it will help build you up on down days.
Hugs.
Tammy

Eli, I hope that things will ease up for you so th...

2009-09-09T19:48:37.733-07:00

Eli, I hope that things will ease up for you so that you know that every person has vulnerabilities and troubles. Each of us wants unconditional love. I've learned that I can get that from my Higher Power. I had it from my mother but she is now gone.

Depression is difficult to deal with. I watched my mother suffer for years from it. I hope that you will get help to deal with that.

Eli, Getting it all out the open will help the h...

2009-09-09T08:15:19.961-07:00

Eli,

Getting it all out the open will help the healing process. I respect you for your honesty and openness. I know it is a long road that you have ahead of you, but I have a feeling that you are going to be okay.

Sending you all of my love.

Eli, I hope that you get the help you seem to need...

2009-09-09T06:26:17.997-07:00

Eli, I hope that you get the help you seem to need. There is no shame in taking medication for depression. I Know some in AA try to say that you should not take medication,but those people are wrong. We are not doctors. I have been going through my own little hell lately and it seems like when I stopped analyzing myself things started to get a little better. That relapse happened for a reason, try looking at it as a blessing instead of a horrible mistake. God obviously has work for you to do in this life, you are here for a reason! You will be in my prayers.

Your behavior reminds me of some of mine: when goo...

2009-09-09T04:44:11.390-07:00

Your behavior reminds me of some of mine: when good things happen to me, when I feel loved and accepted, when I begin to reach my potential, I often would find myself enacting punishing behaviors that would almost "balance out" the positives.

I don't really think it was a form of narcissism but rather repeating a pattern I understood from earlier in my life. I didn't deserve these good things in life and they were taken away from me by punishing people who should have been more supportive. I began to relate those behaviors to what god might want from me. I began treating myself with the same disdain.

I still fight this sense of self-denial. I've gone the suicidal drive and self-harm routes before. Self-sabotage is an easy pattern that I can fall into if I don't take care of myself. I have a terrible time with accepting love and affectionn from people - I think that is the hardest for me. It's all part of my recovery that a take one day at a time.

dare i say a relapse has its uses, IF one comes ou...

2009-09-09T03:13:27.037-07:00

dare i say a relapse has its uses, IF one comes out the other side a bit wiser, more knowledgeable, a little closer to healing...

Eli, I respect and admire your gut-level honesty. ...

2009-09-08T19:19:33.694-07:00

Eli, I respect and admire your gut-level honesty. You are really hard on yourself. We all are just only human--at least me! (and you too!)

Peace, bro!

thank you eli - i pray that your honesty and trans...

2009-09-08T17:59:22.481-07:00

thank you eli - i pray that your honesty and transparency bears great fruit in your recovery.

i too find after meetings that i become most desperate. it's almost like the emptying out that the meeting does makes me panic and flounder and seek to be refilled with anything and everything.

you will be in my prayers, and have been, thank you for posting and updating.